blog blog blog all day long

hey. I don't feel like writing today. Can I do something else instead? I keep putting myself out there as a WRITER... like a straight up writer, not interdisciplinary or performed or anything. And I keep falling on my face. Failing is good. It doesn't feel good, but it is good. I love my ideas and the way they sit inside my head. On paper they hurt, myself and others sometimes. They aren't understood the way I want them to be understood. Is that about the audience? Is that about the time spent? Is that about the endless sense of misunderstanding in this world? My head makes sense to me. My written thought is verbose and often overly poetic. See there. My written thought is assonant, slam. Uh huh. I am simultaneously mimicking Lin Manuel Miranda and trying to get as far away from Broadway as possible. The world doesn't need all my self-pity and instability these days. It has its own, but anyway. I will keep writing. I will keep writing because it helps me with control. I love to abandon and rediscover the innards of a sentence until it says what I mean (at least for the moment). That's why I will not give up writing. 

SO, THESIS. HMmmmm. We were in the house this past week. I don't feel "at home" there, which is a good thing I suppose. It made me worried about texture and color. It made me think about presence, death, legacy, nonexistence. I don't always like the way it smells there, but I still felt comfortable and peaceful many times throughout the duration of our stay/dog sit. I want Heather in the real thing... the show. Also, being there and rummaging through the political archive (combined with, you know, the news) makes me think this show needs more opinion, perspective, politic, beyond us. We don't want to embarrass the Kelley family with our little blindspot. What's in a home anyway, when we are all struggling to feel at home on a much larger scale. The house part has so much to do with our personal experiences and could have nothing to do with someone else's. Maybe it's becoming about letting go of a more material based attachment to memory. And replacing that nostalgia with new tactility and sensorial awareness. Blah blah. I'm tired of the academy and its language. I'm never going to actually know what this show is about.

It's called Household now. I love that title. I love the word hold and its multiple meanings. mmm. hold it, hold on, on hold, hold me, hold on me, hold onto me... etc. i feel so much comfort in double meanings. They might be my favorite thing. I hope the work ends up doing the cute/sad name some justice. 

This house/gallery show should have:

squishy goop in pastel colors

more gender neutral yellow as a dig to the whole "do you want to know the sex of the baby" thing... like what is the sex of the baby. The baby is gonna have prepubescent genitals and the baby isn't gonna know shit about sex unless someone gives it time and lessons. P.s. all genitals are actually really fucking similar. I see this in the powerplay installation and in the Adirondack room (that's what the family calls it)

bathtub stuff... gross bathtub stuff

PERFORMANCE: history, resist her, resistor, resist her, re-sister, he histories, his histories.... yeah sure more wordplay. always more word play. I want to work on the passing piece, the socks piece, and the arm knitting piece in the near near future.

I know I'm gonna love this show. I trust these people with my whole life. AND I just found out how they can all sing (like ANGELS)! Can't wait to move toward more music + cym. We recorded the lullaby with doug the other day. It seems like we are all so happy with it. Or at least I am. Singing makes me happier than everything else. And we've been told we have a natural blend. I'm meeting with doug again to record the solo parts. I think the fade from solo mom lullaby to group motherly lullaby will intensify the concept. I'm hardcore psyched about the nest room. 

BIG things we got done this week:


Posters, facebook event, promo

Building embroidery projection boxes

Recording lullaby

Video for gallery with Matt


Yeah other things kind of on our minds:

Written thesis meeting with Allie next week

(neu now?)

Creative Alliance residency in Baltimore

Bemis Center for Contemporary Art in Omaha

PROTESTS ALL OVER THE PLACE. Attending those protests! Quit school? Jk. Not yet.

Bad and Nasty Performance

Juried Undergrad Exhibition Video Install

honoring the Kelley family

mental health... back to therapy

space, time management, healthy relationships

post college jobs for all (meaningful, impactful shit i.e. NOT TFA)

planning for the two weekends in March that I might be out of town. yeah yeah yeah. It will be FINE.